HotS & prose evolution

Every time that I write a new story, there are subtle and pronounced improvements to my prose. I think everyone goes through this, whether they are a writer or a student tackling essay’s for the first time. I always get very excited when I see my prose improve from work to work, but I believe I have made a significant jump in quality; so much so that I would like to share a small sample now, instead of waiting for January 5th.

Here is a non-spoiler short excerpt from the first chapter in Heart of the Sand: The Last Retreat:

“Those Trechtians do not know the sea as well as they think,” Jeremy put in. A diminutive commoner who rose to great heights under Daniel’s command. He rowed from the stern. Jeremy risked much when Davat became Commander in Daniel’s place. It was a wonder he remained alive. “A little trust for the Commander, if you will.”

Not a Commander not anymore. Just a sellsword, like you and I. No different.

“Trust?” Ashleigh bristled. “We were supposed to return to Dale – now we are further away than ever.”

“We would have been dead if we heeded that prophet.” Daniel spat the word out as if he chewed it and disliked the taste. “Alive we can do much, but not even our proud Isilian knight can do naught while dead.”

“You saw him, what he did to you, to me, to Aerona. No one could have stopped what unfolded. I would have taken my chances against the Dalians, the Trechtians be damned.”

“Your chance will come soon enough. ‘Til then, be grateful that you are still alive.”

If you have been reading my work from the beginning, you will likely spot the improvements right away. I think the dialogue is tighter and I have fully fleshed out description and actions between quotes and speakers. It’s something that seems so obvious, but it’s harder to master than you might think.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the snippet. Back to work!


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